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Morning sentinel how to#
With the Morning Sentinel / Sunday Sentinel obituary archives being one of the leading sources for uncovering your history in Maine, it's important to know how to perform a Morning Sentinel / Sunday Sentinel obituary search to access this wealth of research from newspapers all across the country. Morning Sentinel / Sunday Sentinel obits are an excellent source of information about those long-lost family members in Waterville, Maine. And if it doesn’t open, grab a flamethrower and burn it down.Uncovering your family history can be difficult. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. It does seem, oddly, that Pope Francis and other spiritual leaders spend very little time talking about flamethrowers.īut while I’m no theologian, I believe it might have been Jesus who said: “Everyone who seeks, finds. Some of you may be wondering how giving away a device that burns stuff up comports with Jesus' message of love, peace, forgiveness and joy. A difficult decision, perhaps, unless you’ve tried to clear snow with an assault rifle. Thankfully, the good folks at the Grace Baptist Church in Lansingburgh are standing against the anti-progress crowd with an upcoming raffle in which the lucky winner picks either an AR-15 or a flamethrower. Have these biddies never savored the delights of a sidewalk-seared steak? Do they really want to leave New Yorkers shivering on their sofas? Have they never seen a beautiful jet of fire light up the night sky? A bill in the Legislature AT THIS VERY MOMENT would make it a felony to possess one.
New York being New York, there are freedom-hating fussbudgets out there who hope to pry household flamethrowers from our hot, sweaty hands. I could go on with other handy-dandy uses for household flamethrowers - lighting candles, welding, cremating zombies, etc. - but why belabor the point? By now, you’re convinced and eager to get one. And you didn’t miss a single missed lay up! If you choose the second option, as any sane person would, the room is quickly made toasty. You could a.) drag yourself to the thermostat and wait while shivering for the furnace to fire up or b.) grab Flamey and let fly. Bon appetit and pass the ketchup.Īnother scenario: Imagine you’re on the couch at night, watching the Celtics refuse to play defense, when you feel a chill in the air. After a couple of minutes, flip them, blast again and - voila! Dinner is served, with hardly any cleanup needed. Just throw those rib eyes on the sidewalk and put you-know-what on blast. Is it full? Is it empty? Who can tell? Why aren’t the steaks cooking? Have steaks to cook? Dummies and losers would hoist out the grill to fuss with dirty charcoal or fiddle with a propane tank. There may not be a better way to spend an autumn afternoon.īut don’t make the mistake of thinking flamethrowers are useful only for yard work. You can even sit with hot apple cider in one hand and your flamethrower in the other, scorching the buggers before they dare blemish the glory of your grassy carpet. Instead, incinerate the leaves as they fall from the trees.
Or you could reach for your handy friend the flamethrower.Ĭaution! Do not attempt to incinerate the leaves while they’re on the ground. You could attack them with a blower, if you want to drive your neighbors insane with the screaming racket. You could rake them up like a sucker, if you want a sore back and a ruined weekend. Let’s consider another seasonal nuisance: Fall leaves. But those in the know will tell you a flamethrower is a far better method. Traditionalists would say you should clear your driveway with a snow blower or, God forbid, a shovel. But for the rest of us, flamethrowers can be useful tools around the house.Ĭonsider, if you will, the headache of a winter snowfall. You probably shouldn’t give one to a toddler.
Sure, flamethrowers are considered conflagration hazards in some circles, and, admittedly, one could be iffy in the wrong hands. Here’s a better question: Who wouldn’t want a flamethrower?
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